Look, I'm not going to be guilted into writing a blog entry every day, just to amuse you. I'm just not. If my employer can't get me to show up before 10:30am on a regular basis with what they're paying me, then I don't see how you can expect me to cater to your blog addiction for free.
They say the best things in life are free, but that sounds more like a lousy business model than a viable worldview to me. If they were really the best things, they would cost a lot more. Just try going to Best Buy and loading a 62" plasma into your car without paying for it. What kind of twisted worldview doesn't consider a top of the line Hi-Def Plasma TV as one of the best things in life? (I have to admit, though, that the police car ride was pretty fun and technically didn't cost me anything.)
Oh, I know, there's sunshine and oxygen and blah blah blah. But it's all supply and demand. You'd pay for oxygen if I was holding a plastic bag over your head, and if you don't believe me you can ask my little brother. (I just hope you have more money.) And if you've never paid for sunshine, you've obviously never lived in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Do you know how desperate for sunshine you have to be to pay someone $50 so you can lie in a coffin and be showered in cancer-causing radiation? There were days in January in Michigan when I would have paid someone to shove my face into a frying pan and call it a sunburn.
Some day I'm going to find a way to bottle sunshine. They already charge stupid people a dollar for a little bottle of water. And while people who can't figure out how to get water into a bottle apparently comprise a pretty big market, I'm willing to bet that the market for bottled sunshine is even bigger. The bottled water people are so stupid they don't even realize that Evian is "naive" spelled backwards. I'm going to call my bottled sunshine KramYsae or Ssabmud. Or maybe I should name it after the mystical source of the product, in the manner of Crystal Geyser or Ice Mountain. I'll call it, um, The Sun. Ooh, I know! I'll combine the two methods and call it "The Sun, Ssabmud."
You'll be happy to know that I did some intense research* for this blog entry, and I discovered that "All over the world, water is one of the most popular drinks." That's a bold statement. I'd like some additional supporting information. For example, do thirsty people drink more than non-thirsty people? Do people prefer to drink their water in liquid form, or inhale it as steam? How do people feel about drinking very dirty water, say, with cat urine and mercury in it?
I also learned that the difference between tap water and bottled water is that tap water comes out of a "tap," whereas bottled water is generally surrounded by a plastic container known as a "bottle." According to some reliable website that I don't feel like giving credit to, "Aquafina is municipal water from spots like Wichita, Kansas. Coke's Dasani (with minerals added) is taken from the taps of Queens, New York, Jacksonville, Florida, and elsewhere. Everest bottled water originates from southern Texas, while Yosemite brand is drawn from the Los Angeles suburbs."
So if you're a health conscious Glendale resident breaking open a bottle of Yosemite, keep in mind that you've just paid someone a dollar to fill up a bottle with water from your kitchen sink. That's like paying a dollar for a little mirror so that you can go outside and enjoy the sunshine. Hey, that gives me an idea....
*Google search
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